Ready for a tin chapeau...

I'm starting to think I'm almost ready for a tinfoil chapeau.
I'm a "consumer of news" - I read newspapers, I listen to news radio, I watch news on teevee. I discuss the news, I write about the news; A news junkie, you might say.
But lately, the news just seems to leave me confused. I can't consume it at all. I can neither chew it nor swallow it. It's either a case of early senility or near-total cognitive dissonance. The latter, I hope. Though perhaps it's time to begin thinking of memory loss as my friend, rescuing me from too much toxic information.
Two weeks ago, I saw that supposedly mythical headline in the paper: Man Bites Dog. Yes. I checked. It wasn't April First. It was a Reuters byline; not a company known for extreme levity. And just today, a report, on page one, no less, about a Cambodian farmer who discovered he has a Holy Cow! (!) A witch saw the cow, fell down, and, upon recovering, told the farmer she saw the spirit of a Holy Cow from Thailand in his Holy Cow. However, and this is the really interesting part, the local governor said the farmer was wrong. "We had a Holy Cow around here just a few years ago - they don't show up again so soon."
What is one to think? Holy Dog, Man Bites Cow, Mad Cows... It's all too much for me.
Then, in what might seem a more normal kind of news, we see that South Korea is threatening action against Japan, because of some little rocky islets unfortunately situated between the two countries. Meanwhile, Japan is theatening action against --- North Korea! Apparently because North Korea is refusing to return the remains of Japanese citizens it abducted some decades ago. Not, mind you, because of the kidnapping; because Korea stubbornly refuses to return the right set of bones. Not wanting to be left out, North Korea is threatening to take action against, you guessed it, South Korea! Seemingly for holding war games. Which could not possibly be (and here I agree) to defend itself against anyone other than North Korea. Unless it's to "take action" against Japan.
A perfect triangle, though not in any sense a love triangle.
The United States, meanwhile, is threatening to take action against pretty much anybody and everybody. Mostly to stop them from doing things the United States already does better than they can do anyway. We hear concerns about China's massive military buildup. They've increased their military budget to thirty billion dollars. I suspect they're actually budgeting in renmimbi; but we'll use dollars for clarity. If clarity in such a thing is possible. At the same time, the US is increasing its military budget by thirty billion dollars.

Speaking of the US congress: What are they up to now? "Congress shall make the laws of the country." So I was taught in school. Just laws to govern a just society, one would presume. Though, historically, when the congress actually did create just laws it was pretty much an accidental confluence of parochial interest and the common welfare. But then I have become pretty cynical about the entire legislative process. Some would say I was born a cynic. Anyway: now the congress has decided it's terribly important to find out every least detail about the use of steroids by professional baseball players. Why? Who cares? What common good is served by this 'investigation'? If someone wants to trade his future health for a few years of enhanced physical performance, who am I to say he can't? Such tradeoffs have always taken place. In a classical simile - it's the choice of Achilles - who chose early death and eternal fame over a long and normal life. Not that I can think of any baseball player who is likely to win fame as eternal as Achilles. Except for the Babe. Ruthian is a word destined to remain in the language (I believe) as long as will Herculean. So why is congress investigating this miniscule issue? Because there is some significance to society? Because they are concerned about the health of baseball players? Because they want to preserve the purity of baseballers as role models? Because it's a tremendous photo opportunity? Gee; tough call.
Then there's the current topper: Tom DeLay talking about saving the 'life' of a brain dead woman. Now, I know some of you will say that Rep. DeLay knows more about brain death than most doctors, but I do not believe he has ever actually experienced it first hand, no matter how his actions seem to indicate that he has. Again, what is the national purpose served by congress butting into medical issues? Do you really trust your congressman more than you trust your doctor? Is that why when you feel sick you call your congressman? Or does your congressman make you feel sick?
Well, that's enough diatribe for one day.
Hope to be posting again soon.