To begin: The physical handset is totally wrong! Look at handset A. It's upside down! Try to use this device as it is currently designed. Try to key in a number. Better yet - try keying in a text message. Remember, the cool people all key SMS (Short Message Service) text one-handed. For a rightie like me w-x-y-z-9, or worse yet, {all-the-shift-number-key-special-characters-plus-0}, create a huge risk of dropping the device. Causing portential breakage or worse yet complete and utter humiliation
Now look at handset B. The keys are much much easier to reach. Additionally, the display is now in the palm of the hand, shaded from the blinding tropical sun.
So, why has the original handset been engineered in such a crappy fashion?
Now as to the functionality:
Things you can do!
1. Audio (Sound): You can make or recieve a phone call. Yes, you can still do this, though you'll probably get a message just as you do when calling from a fixed phone. Still, this is a desirable function in a mobile phone. In addition to using the mobile phone as a phone, you can: Download and use a crappy little "polyphonic ringtone" - typically a clip from a movie theme song, to replace the sound of a ringing phone. Download and use a crappy little "ringback tone". This is a sound that someone who calls your mobile will get to hear. It's not so that a caller can rejoice in hearing your musical selection; it's so that your caller can be impressed with what a hi-tech kinda guy you must be, to know how to pay money to get your phone to make a sound you personally will never get to hear. You can download crappy little music files you can listen to on your crappy little earbuds.
All in all - your phone can now a guarantee that neither you nor any innocent bystander will ever have to endure a quiet environment again.
2. Video (Pictures): With the wonderful new capabilities of todays handset you can: Snap a crappy little picture with your crappy little camera. You can display the crappy little snapshot on your crappy little LCD screen. You can record a crappy little video clip with your CL camera. Playback the CL video clips on your CL screen. Dowload movie shorts, either from your computer, or from your crappy little internet connection. Market research seems to indicate that the most popular movie dowloads are about eight minutes long, and are soft-porn lapdances and the like. Coming soon - a teevee reciever. Now you will be able to watch Fox News, or better still, Survivor-Somewhere-Or-Another (or any of the other crappy little virtual reality shows).
Imagine being able to watch Lord of the Rings on your CL screen - you should be able to get about one Orc-Per-Pixel.
3. Data (Data): You can store phone numbers. This is also a desirable function. Additionaly, you can send or recieve crappy little text (SMS )messages. Almost as soon as you can do this, you probably will begin getting spam messages (spaSMS). You cannot block these messages! Your handset has within its bowels (several layers down in the menu system) a crappy little 4-function calculator. You also have things like MS Office, so you can create crappy little spreadsheets using your crappy little keypad. Or you can create a crappy little Word document, laboriously keying in your text. You can store your credit card information, to allow you to use your handset as a crappy little automatic purchase device. It will also broadcast your personal credit information to Bluetooth snoopers in your vicinity. It may also make the information available to Pharmers browsing your crappy little un-firewalled always-on internet connection. Which you can also use to send those CL snapshots and CL video clips to your friends from anywhere in the world. Or you can surf the net, using the crappy little browser on your crappy little LCD screen.
All In ALL, the modern 3G, or even the 2 1/2 G mobile phone represents convergence with a vengeance (convengeance?). An ill-assorted set of functions plastered together in an ill-designed box. Not to sound like a Luddite, but for the moment, I still prefer to use a camera for pictures, a videocam for videos, an iPod for music, a computer to compute.
I'll keep the phone for phoning.
Thank You
No comments:
Post a Comment